“Tragedy of Our Time”: This play is a dark comedy about Polish-American relations. It takes place in New York City. There are two main characters – an American retired businessman with political pretensions, John, and his Polish servant, an illegal immigrant, Jan. This is a full-length three act play. In the first act Jan has a strong desire to leave his master, John. Jan has a profound hatred for America. He wants to return to Poland and live a normal life with his family. John loves America, makes a point of being patriotic, and believes he is living in the center of the world. John, who is gay, makes it clear he wants sexual relations with Jan, but Jan never agrees. An Arab is not seen but is heard at the door asking Jan for money for his destitute family. In the second act, Jan tries to trick John into believing that there is a World War starting, and that John should flee to their already built bomb shelter in the basement.
His goal is to live upstairs as the master. In the third act, ironically, a World War is in fact almost beginning – the 9-11 attacks are occurring. Suddenly Jan gets a great sympathy for America and for the first time he feels like an American citizen. He accepts without question all the government propaganda that followed the attacks. John, in further irony, is more skeptical of the onslaught of media messages.
All these actions in the play speak to the Master-Slave aspect of Polish-American relations. The comedy of their interactions bring this out, and the bombastic events of the 9-11 attacks draw them out even more emphatically – to the point where they realize they cannot exist without each other. They rise above the Master-Slave syndrome to “cooperate” – although in sarcastic ways, like collecting money for future wars. Character breakdowns: John 60 years old. Successful business man.
Lives in his own apartment in Lower Manhattan. In his own privacy he likes to say racist things, but really he is smarter than that. “Politcal Correctness” rubs him the wrong way – he has a passion for freedom of speech – especially in his own apartment. He is gay, openly, but doesn’t dress flamboyantly or affect any “gay” style. He is a loner – he has no family or friends around him – except Jan.
He is a strong, willful, aggressive, intelligent person. Jan 30 years old, a handsome guy. Polish illegal immigrant. Lives as a servant in John’s house. He is straight, even homophobic. He desires to return to Poland but thinks it will never happen because he is too weak and scared that if he returns he will never find a good job there, and his wife may have other men… and other more vague fears. He is a smart intellectual fellow but he is frustrated in his life in the USA because he feels like a second class citizen.
A.C
TRAGEDY OF OR TIME II act
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Me7rSsPUjb8&t=28s
Description of play
It is dark comedy
about polish-american relation. Master and slave.
JAN ( 30-40 years
old )
Polish guy Jan is
working in N.Y. He want to find better job, but he is to week. His
family is stays in Poland. In first two acts he hate USA. His
American dream became nightmare.
JOHN ( 50-60 years )
He is on retire. He
is still rich, but he hate spend any dollar. He is old gay wanted Jan
to make him a blow job even if he is invalid without any chance for
erection. He has distance to live.
JAN ( 30-40 years
old )
Polish guy Jan is
working in N.Y. He want to find better job, but he is to week. His
family is stays in Poland. In first two acts he hate USA. His
American dream became nightmare.
JOHN ( 50-60 years )
He is on retire. He
is still rich, but he hate spend any dollar. He is old gay wanted Jan
to make him a blow job even if he is invalid without any chance for
erection. He has distance to live.
INTRO
Old, but still rich
apartment in NY. Old invalid John sits on his chair.
JOHN
What’s that stink?
It is not me…[sniffs]. Really. Jan? Where is that poor Polish
motherfucker? It smells like…oil!
JAN
It is benzina.
JOHN
What are you doing?
JAN
I’m looking for matches.
Do you have matches? I must burn something.
JOHN
You want to burn me?
Motherfucker!... It was my mistake…I gave you too much money.
JAN
It is not matter of money.
Goodbye old fucking bitch. Fuck you in hell.
JOHN
Noooo!
[end of John’s dream]
ACT ONE
JOHN [looking for
something]
A bright new …
dusk. Jesus! Where is my bottle? [he drinks very fast] Funny…Its
not a matter of money…Its always coming back. Like a dream. A bad
dream… A nightmare! Jan? What are you doing?! My poor Polish…Jan.
My dog…White nigger…
Man as dog! 5
dollars a day…Or better…a good slave for nothing…He prays
now…[listens] Or he’s masturbating. Jan?
JAN [off stage]
What?
JOHN
What are you doing?
JAN [proud]
Masturbution.[sic]
JOHN
Again. When he came
to the USA he was praying and masturbating. Now he is only
masturbating. I must turn off the TV. Too much polish sperm… Bring
me some water?
JAN
Wait…
JOHN
Wait for what? For
Christmas? For nothing?
JAN
For finish…Wait…Yes.
JOHN
Degeneration! Made
In USA. Maybe made in USD? United States of Degeneration.
JAN
Yes.
JOHN
Degeneration… Good
God if I could push the button. First bomb launched…end. The end.
JAN [enters with
bottle of water]
There are no buttons
any more.
JOHN
Do you have water?
JAN
Do you know…?
Do you know…?
JOHN
No buttons? How do
they launch them?
JAN
Somehow… They use
computers.
JOHN
Computers. I hate
that shit.
JAN
People love them.
There are…funny.
JOHN
Funny…It is funny.
One woman had problems with her mouse. Computer mouse.
JAN
Italians call it
turtle.
JOHN
Who cares about
it…[pause] Nobody. This woman was the best in…
JAN
Sucking...
JOHN [to the people]
I told you…USD…In
writing… word processing. She was really good - ten words in one
second.
JAN
Like my wife… in
church.
JOHN
She was a secretary.
A good secretary…. But she left.
JAN
Because of you?
JOHN
Because of the
mouse. The computer mouse.
JAN
Italians really call
them turtles.
JOHN
Fuck the…turtle.
It was really a tragedy.
JAN
Tragedy of our time.
JOHN
Why don’t you
bring me coffee?
JAN
Sir, would you like
your coffee without coffee?
JOHN
No, normal. Send
your version back to Poland.
JAN
OK. Old American vagina...
JOHN
Why are you so…maybe
your father raped you in the night?
JAN
It is natural
JOHN
Nice country. I must go
there.
JAN
Do you know?
JOHN
Why?
JAN
Do you know?
JOHN
No!
JAN
Kurva! I want to
tell you something really important.
JOHN
Really?
JAN
Yes! Something
important…Every day…My every thought is changing into… ścierwo
JOHN
Ścierwo? Jesus!
What does shit mean?
JAN
Yes, ścierwo! Old
dead meat. Something stinky…Bastard!...[pause] Always problem with
this fucking language…
JOHN
You should work with
your tongue. First lesson is for free. [he shows his tongue]
JAN
Language!
JOHN
Or fish. You should
try breathing like a fish without air. [he demonstrates]
JAN
Fucking Language!
Fucking Language!
JOHN
Very good. Show me your
anger…JAN.
JAN [sileni]
…Któryś za nas cierpiał rany Jezu
Chryste zmiłuj sie nad nami
JOHN
Very good…But I
like computer games.
JAN
Me too, you can kill
people.
JOHN
In real time!
JAN
Yes. It is funny.
JOHN
Wonderful…So…
How is your country working?
JAN
My country? What is
that?
JOHN
Your home Jan. Your
sweet home…
JAN
Italians call it…
JOHN
Fuck you Jan! Fuck
you.
JAN
Maybe…
[pause]
JOHN
What about Wałęsa?
He’s still making Revolution?
JAN
He stopped now.
JOHN [angry]
I told them. Too much
money!
JAN [proud]
We are growing!
JOHN
Jesus! You must
work!
JAN
We are working…hard.
JOHN
Right decision!
JAN
Thanks!
JOHN
No problem. What
about your people
JAN
Which people?
JOHN
Jesus! Your family!
They’re still fighting?
JAN
Ah…They fight…fight
about money.
JOHN
Good people.
JAN
We are not people
any more…
JOHN
Ok. Good animals.
JAN
Beasts! I’m
leaving.
JOHN
Jan...No…
JAN
Yes John. I’m
leaving. I’m looking for something.
JOHN
In the TV or in the
fridge!
JAN
I’m looking for
job. Good job. I have polish newspaper.
.
JOHN
You call it a
newspaper? They should call it a crappaper…or better…a
polishspermpaper.
You should start
reading in English! Now! [proud] American English!
What can you do?
Let’s think about that…
JAN
Masturbation.
JOHN
Yes. Great idea! Public
masturbation! Live show! On line! On air! Everywhere!
JAN
Thanks. I want normal job.
JOHN
With your English
you can only sell your polish fat food in that bar on the corner.
Polish bitch! I
remember her father when he came… he was really poor. But we helped
him. He started to be a capitalist…
JAN
Sad story…
JOHN
You don’t even
have a drivers license.
JAN
I lost it. Like most
of my life.
JOHN
You can sell your
body. I will be your impresario. Your secret agent… Hurry up! Time
is money! Give me my telephone. I want to check some friends. Who
knows… maybe they want to give you a job?
JAN
What job?
JOHN
Blow job…
JAN
Fuck you John!
JOHN
Bastard! I gave you
so much money… too much. And you don’t want to give me anything.
Completely nothing…
JAN
First you stink of death.
Second I’m not fucking homo.
JOHN
Homo sapiens…
JAN
I don’t think so.
[pause]
JOHN
Are you with me only
because of money?
JAN
Sure! Surprise!...
I’m living.
JOHN
Stay!
JAN
No chance!
JOHN
I will give you
everything.
JAN
Fuck it!
JOHN
Don’t be stupid
Jan. This money is the only chance for your family and for your poor
country. Some day I will die… You will be really rich…Like me…
(pause) Now are you thinking- when will I die?
JAN
No.
JOHN
So…What are you
thinking about Jan? My poor polish thinker…
JAN
I’m thinking about my
wonderful country…
JOHN
Remember! Its only
your point of view.
JAN [proud of a well
known polish poem]
Gdzie bursztynowy świerzop, gryka jak
śnieg biała
Gdzie panieńskim rumieńcem
dzięcielina pała…
JOHN
Jesus? Do you understand
this shit? I understand nothing.
JAN
Learn polish! Kurva
mać!
JOHN
Kurva mać…I must
be crazy.
JAN
Write it!
JOHN
What?
JAN
“ When I die I will give
Jan everything “
JOHN
Are you crazy? I
will live forever! [song] forever!
JAN
I’m… mad…
JOHN
What?
JAN
Mad! Crazy!
JOHN
Bullshit! You are talking
bullshit!
JAN
Bullshit!? Yes! True
bullshit! Everywhere! You are sitting in your American bullshit sauce
and stinking.
JOHN
Maybe…[he farts]
but we are the only masters of this world. ( fats again ) And people
love that.
JAN
They love your shit.
JOHN
You can call it culture.
[somebody knocking
on the door]
JAN
Somebody knocking doors.
JOHN
Open it before he
starts to kick.
JAN
It is death. I’m sure.
JOHN
Excellent. Home sweet
home! Take your stick.
JAN [off stage]
What about China? Are they
still independent?
JOHN
Yes. We must sell
them our weapons first.
JAN [with baseball stick]
It is some Arab.
JOHN
Did you smash him?
JAN
He asks about help.
JOHN
Like always.
JAN
He is collecting money for
family.
JOHN
Huge family! They
should die… Give him 5 dollars.
JAN
Less is…unpolite
JOHN [loud]
Give him this money!
Its a gift! Buy an airplane ticket for you and your fucking big Islam
family!
JAN
Enough of this
shit…I’m leaving too.
JOHN
The right moment!
The right decision! Go back to your Poland! To your Wałęsa! And
your pope! Poland? Where is it? In Russia? Fuck! Do you think that
we care about you because we love Democracy?
JAN
This is end. The end!
JOHN
Even your president
will give a blow job to our president, and vice versa. You are only
M.N.C. for us.
JAN
M.N.C?
JOHN
Yes M.N.C. [proud]
Mass of New Clients! Listen! The whole potential of our great country
is in the clever, brave, and hard work of generations of American
people. Now the entire poor rest of the world is asking us for money.
We are rich because we are the best and God bless US.
ACT TWO
JOHN [alone, he is
having a bad dream]
Die! Die You Jewish
motherfucker. You are nothing! Completely nothing!
JAN
Get up John we must
escape!
JOHN [now awake]
Ah you are back. My
polish beast… Tiger of Europe!
JAN
War is coming.
JOHN
War? Why? We are
fucking hardcore pacifists aren’t we?
War? What war?
JAN
Expect for long
time…the last one… END WAR.
JOHN
END WAR. This is
fantastic. My dear ally. Who is our victim? Another ally?.. Russia?
No, its over. Cuba? Too many problems…wait…we must only wait.
China!? Not yet. We must sell them our weapons first…Its fantastic.
I’ll be shooting again…
JAN
You!? Blind pussy
from Bronx
JOHN [very angry]
Never say I’m from
the Bronx!
JAN [doing rap]
Never say I’m from
Bronx,
I’m from Bronx,
I’m from Bronx
From Bronx
JOHN
Yes! I know!
[ pause ]
The victim is Canada
JAN
Canada? Why? They
are our friends. They create the same culture: Language, hockey and
[with love] dollars.
JOHN
They have their own
dollars. And they are much cheaper…
JAN
But they are rich
JOHN
It is true.
JAN
So…
JOHN
So… Language…They
prefer speaking French. Shit la France!... You have a better
nation…come…come…Poland is the best one. Together… we must
kick their ass…!
JAN
What about Arabs?
JOHN
We kick their ass
too.
JAN
I surrender. It is Canada
JOHN
Don’t do it. It is only
beginning.
[singing]
When I start the war
It will be forever
It will never ever
stop
To the end of my
presidency
Or even better, to
the end of my life
I will fight with
the enemy
Because they want me
to suffer or die
When I start the war
It will be for ever
It will never ever
stop
THIS WAR!
JAN [running]
Stop it! Stop it!
JOHN
Turn on the TV! Turn
off your mind!
JAN [turns on tv]
Snow only…
JOHN
Like in Canada.
JAN [doing rap]
Like in Canada…
Like in Canada…
JOHN
Fuck! They’re
attacking our satellite. Turn on the radio.
JAN
Do you have radio?
JOHN [proud]
I have everything…
the radio is in the kitchen. Bring it!
JAN [going to the
kitchen]
Radio Shitty America
JOHN
What?
JAN
Shit…
JOHN
Its amazing. They’re
attacking our satellite.
JAN [with fragment of
radio]
Radio is not working
JOHN
What do you mean
“not working.”?
JAN
It means is
finished…destroyed…broken. Do you have atomic shelter?
JOHN
They’ve blown out
the radio. Poor broadcast…
JAN
Your radio is
destroyed…Idiot.
JOHN
I know idiot. Its a
joke.
JAN
Jokes…such
moment…Do you have atomic shelter?
JOHN
Of course… I
remember how it was… I was just married… With some…wife.
JAN
Some wife…Bastard
JOHN
I asked her. Honey
what do you want for a present? A car? A cat? A swimming pool? She
said… Darling I want an atomic shelter…So I built it…under the
stairs. Let’s go there - we have everything that we need: food,
cola and pornography… Do you think they will do it?
JAN
Yes! In bombs I trust!
JOHN
Its sad…
JAN
Sad? What is sad.
JOHN
So many years…
JAN
So many years of what?
JOHN
Sacrifice… So many years
of sacrifice
JAN
Sacrify? Scarify? What are
you talking about?
JOHN
Sacrifice! I’m
talking about sacrifice… We have a system! Believe! We are
indestructible!
JAN
Ahh…System…I
heard about this. It is only propaganda.
JOHN
Propaganda? Whats
that?
JAN
Dead words…Something
stinky. People in States…[looking for words] łykają everything
JOHN
Lyyykają…lyyykjo…
JAN
Łykają means drinking
everything
JOHN
OK. Drinking everything.
What are we drinking today? Sperm? Oil? Coca Cola?
JAN
System… Think one
second John!
JOHN
I’ll try. One
second. Its not so long.
JAN
What. If somebody
will launch lets say 10 rockets?
JOHN
Ten…Fuck…
JAN
Yes . Not so many
JOHN
Enough.
JAN
Do you think system will
catch all of them?
JOHN
Yes.
JAN
What if one gets
through. Only one with ten little bombs in the head.
JOHN
Little bombs in the
head…Jesus! We have that shit.
JAN
Russia has too
JOHN
Russia is not dangerous
any more
JAN
But they can sell
something.
JOHN
They can sell
everything…Let’s go to the shelter.
JAN
Yes master.
JOHN
Stop! First go to the
window. I have some business.
JAN
Great! Such a moment! OK.
JOHN
Give me my magic
megaphone. It’s a souvenir from some demonstration about gay
rights.
JAN
Gay! Fuck them.
JOHN
Yes fuck them all!
Give me this megaphone. Faster! Faster!
JAN
Wait!
JOHN
Wait for what? For
war? Christmas? Nothing? War is money. Remember. Money from
suffering! The best money in the history of economics. Some
French-Canadian asshole will click the mouse and its over.
JAN ( to the tube )
Booom
JOHN
Bingo! Its working.
Good old megaphone. Made in USA
JAN
Malasia. Made in
Malasia.
JOHN
Colonization of
Malasia? When did it happen? Its the same story as yours. Maybe it
was some Wałesa too. Without a mustache, but with a beard...or…with
paisy.[laughing]
JAN
Don’t you see that
your jokes about Poland are… lost for me?
JOHN
You lost my jokes.
Its interesting
JAN
For me Poland does
not exist.
JOHN
What about your family.
JAN
Which family…
JOHN
Ok. Give me this
megaphone. I stole it from a fascist. After fighting on the street we
spent the night in a hotel. In the morning he opened his eyes but the
room was empty. No me and no magic megaphone. He was angry…very
angry…but I tell you what Jan, this guy was brutal – he liked sex
only standing up
JAN
Fascist…
JOHN
His name was Bruno
Schulz – [turns to the audience] like the symbol of European Jewish
Culture.
JAN
Gay, fascist, Jew.
It is something run amok.
JOHN
Post modern
[counting] fifth wave. Open the window. Open it wide. I want to give
the speech…Beautiful speech…a Presidential Address…
JAN
Hurry up! Destruction is
coming.
JOHN
No rush. Do you have
a camera…somewhere?
JAN
Somewhere close…
JOHN
Where
JAN
In your ass…
JOHN [to megaphone]
Good…Brothers!
[without megaphone] Shit! It sound like, I’m a black guy… I will
try again [to megaphone] Clever Americans! The day of destruction is
coming. But, don’t be afraid. We are the biggest empire in history
and for sure we will prevail. We can not agree to the destruction of
our affluent society which we protect and believe in! Today every
consumer becomes a fighter! Freedom fighter.
[moment off applause]
Aha! One more
thing…I am a simple businessman… I told you…a personal
note…This war will brings us profits! Like always… I’m talking
about money. Real money! A fortune! Good…God bless America!
[without megaphone] OK I finished. We can go. And…?
JAN
Not bed...
JOHN
My speech was pure
improvisation, not some post-modernist bla, bla, bla.. I wanted to
combine thoughts and emotions.
JAN
Simple
Businessman…It was the best. But this stuff about god, it is crap.
JOHN
Why? People like
him.
JAN
Nobody
believes…maybe in Poland…yes, simple businessman…But why not
“retired”?
JOHN
Simple, Retired
Businessman?
JAN
Simple Retired
Businessman…Blind Bitch!
JOHN
Fuck you!
JAN
Alone? Not any more!
My woman is on the other side of the ocean.
JOHN
And she will die
there and you here! OK lets go to this fucking bomb shelter…the war
is coming.
JAN [gives him a
vibrator]
Happy New War!
JOHN
Oh thanks!
JAN
Many hours of fun!
JOHN
With you Jan. Always with
you!
JAN
Never. I stay here.
JOHN
Here you die
JAN
I prefer death!
JOHN
Don’t be stupid Jan
JAN
I’m going to
another shelter. I will visit you once a month.
JOHN
One time in a
month…It is interesting
JAN
I prefer morning…Do
you have skafander?
JOHN
What…?
JAN
Ska- fan-der!
Special clothing.
JOHN
Ska-fan-der…funny…
I understand “Stalin”
JAN
Stalin? Why?
JOHN
He hated you so
much…Fucking Polish liars! You can be loyal, so you must suffer!
Do you think that I
don’t know what’s going on?
JAN
Tell me. I want to
know what is going on.
JOHN
Stop this play. You
are a bad actor. Remember you are in the States. The best actors in
the country…Nixon, Reagan, Clinton…I know you like “2001: A
Space Odyssey”. It was a movie…Star Wars…funny story…They
should call it Star Shit, or better…Star Fuck....good name for the
porno edition…limited edition…You should practice your role…
Polish idiot…
JAN
United States of
Hypocrisy
JOHN
What? Say it loud!
This is not Poland – here you must say it loud!…I know your plan…
JAN
Plan? Which fucking plan?
JOHN
And swearing!….
When you lie you swear!. So remember that! .
I’m talking about
the war plan.
JAN
Which war?
JOHN
Nuclear war will
never happen…
JAN
There are so many
wars in the world. One stops, the next one starts…
JOHN
My Polish
thinker…philosopher…genius…I love him for that.
JAN
For what?
JOHN [to the audience]
Sometimes I think
I’m talking only to myself. In the past I was thinking about it.
Now I just want to forget…There isn’t any war with Canada…
JAN
You don’t trust me? Ok. I’m going to the shelter and you stay here waiting for bombs. Maybe some bomb will give you a great fuck…
You don’t trust me? Ok. I’m going to the shelter and you stay here waiting for bombs. Maybe some bomb will give you a great fuck…
JOHN
She has a boy
friend…
JAN
What?
JOHN
He comes with a
Ferrari…He is a black guy but he likes Ferraris. Maybe he is an
Italian nigger?
JAN
How do you know he
is black?
JOHN
Story…He…Lets
call him for the moment “Kofe” …he comes with a Ferrari and
beeps his horn “pib and bib…”
JAN
Pib and bip
JOHN
She is looking
through the window, and running to him very fast.
JAN
Very fast…I like this…
JOHN
Afterwards there is
big scene of licking
JAN
Disgusting…
JOHN [listens]
Action…
JAN [looking through
the window]
There is the
Ferrari…She is waiting…Fuck! How do you know he is black.
JOHN
I have a good sense
of smell…[to the audience] sorry, intuition…
JAN [takes megaphone]
Leave her alone…You
motherfucker!
JOHN
So…He licked her?
JAN
A few times…on her
tits…
JOHN
Its not my version…
JAN [very sad]
Its over. They are
inside…Fucking bitch…Tell me… How do you know he is black?
JOHN [singing]
Always look on the
dark side of life…[talking] Pay for this radio you destroyed you
Polish idiot.
And now I will tell
you something. And you listen, because nobody pays me for these words
of truth that I’m telling you…So listen! Here, everybody is
alone and doesn’t give even one shit for each other…This we call
Tolerance. Most important is your own business, and this is Freedom.
JAN
I’ll tell you
something also John…for free…
JOHN
For free? I’ll
take it…Go on…be honest…
JAN
This world… Do you know
why you hate it so much?
JOHN
Good joke! I love him…
JAN
No…You hate…the
world makes you angry…I tell you why.
JOHN
Spit this shit out…
JAN
Because you are
gay…Ordinary, old, lonely, gay.
JOHN
Not lonely…I have
family.
JAN
Your sister? I never
met her.
JOHN
Lucy? Ah…she is
busy… She has work… a wonderful world…Computers…You are
different, better…
JAN
I’m normal.
Normal! I have a wife, a home, kids…spuścizne
JOHN
Spuścizna…I like
this word…I remember it ( showing masturbation ) spuścizna…
JAN
When I’m legal I
will kill you and run away
JOHN
Nowhere…you’ll
be running nowhere…You are alone, motherfucker…just like me.
JAN
It is not true…
JOHN
Yes
JAN
No John…It is not true.
JOHN
What’s up dog?
You’re making a fist? Getting ready for the Revolution? You should
wait for your mustache, like this guy…How it was? Solidarity!
Solidarity…
JAN
You!...You!
JOHN
Go on!
JAN
You….pedale!
JOHN [to the
audience]
Polish gay…Nothing
new…[to John] Something more…You must be more creative.
JAN
Fucking…
JOHN [sad]
No fucking any more…
JAN
I believe that
somebody will kick your ass. Then you will feel how it is to be
abused and used. But nothing lasts forever. It is like that. Its
better you don’t try to change it…
I always forget that
you are only a fucking American.
JOHN
I’m American and
I’m proud of it.
JAN [beating John]
Conqueror! Give us back
our tribute money!
JOHN [to god]
Thank you Master
JAN
That’s enough…
JOHN
Jan?
JAN
John?
JOHN
I’m Jewish.
JAN
I knew it…fuck…I
knew it.
JOHN
Sorry…shit happens
JAN
So…What to do? How
to exist…
JOHN
My name is Jesus
Christ!...Ha, ha… This is good…
JAN
Fucking hippy
JOHN
You will be rich! Be
happy!
JAN
When?
JOHN
When I will die and
you will steal my money…
JAN
I believe it will
happen
JOHN
I believe there is
some place in the universe where our top level of humanity is the
norm…
JAN
Fucking place…
JOHN
We will see…
ACT THREE
JOHN … on his
chair, he was drinking all night. He’s holding an almost empty
whisky
bottle. Suddenly, he vomits…]
Sorry I’m only a
human being…
[Bomb attack]
Jan! Where are you?
They’re attacking us! Everybody to their stations! You will pay for
that. You Canadian skunks! We will kick your ass…If we survive…
JAN
No, it’s the
Arabs…
JOHN
You came back…How nice…
JAN
The Arabs destroyed
the towers…
JOHN
Our naked towers?
JAN
The Arabs destroyed
the World Trade Center…What about the people…
JOHN
Fuck the people!
What about the insurance policies?
JAN
Such beautiful
towers…It was so nice to watch them…
JOHN
Horror! I was
working there…Thousands of people under the power of money…In one
place…It should end like that…
JAN
Fucking Arabs!
JOHN
Arab-Americans? Or…
JAN
We don’t know
jet…[ watching TV] Oh! They attacked the Pentagon. They want to
kill the president! Its horrible!
JOHN
The tragedy of our
time…
JAN
They kidnapped
airplanes to crash them in front of our eyes…
JOHN
A classic
performance…One for the ages…
JAN
America suffers…
JOHN
America likes to suffer…
JAN
So many people die
and you have not even piece of empathy!
JOHN
Empathy…What are
you talking about…
JAN
Oh…sympathy.
JOHN
I’m burned out…
JAN
We must do something…
JOHN
Hold your peace!
What time is it?
JAN
Time stopped!
JOHN
Strange…The attack
was before nine…the VIPs weren’t there yet…Remember never come
to work on time!...
JAN [watching TV]
Oh! They’re
showing Bin Laden !
JOHN
Who is this guy? I know
his name?
JAN
That is this
millionaire and terrorist! He organized this.
JOHN
How do you know?
JAN
They’re showing it
like that…
JOHN
What does he look
like?
JAN
Thin…Has a beard…a
little bit like Jesus, but he looks like an Arab…Oh! Now he’s
showing his kalashnikov to the camera and shaking it…
JOHN
Maybe he wants to
sell it…
JAN
Why? He is a
millionaire and the son of a millionaire…
JOHN
He must keep fit…Nice
voice…
JAN
He uses this nice
voice to organize the Third World War!
JOHN
Who told you, that
the Second is finished? Nostradamus? Cosa Nostra?
JAN
Oh! Our president!
He is sad…But he looks well…
JOHN
He was so happy when we
played golf with his father…Always running between our legs…
JAN
You were playing
golf with Mr. President? I don’t believe it…
JOHN
It changes nothing…
JAN
Have you proof?
JOHN
I have memories…
JAN
I’m impressed
JOHN
Why? I lost the golf
game.
JAN
It is normal.
JOHN
It was politic for
me to lose…
[pause]
JAN
Shit! War is coming…
JOHN
A real one! It will
be war with the whole world! Palestine, Iraq, Iran, Syria…
JAN
What about Chechnia?
JOHN
Russia will eat
them…
JAN [close to John]
We will be with you.
JOHN
Of course. Everybody
wants to earn something…Together we will steal and kill…
JAN
Yeah…
JOHN
You want to earn?
JAN
Yes!
JOHN
Drink my sperm!
JAN
Fuck off!
[there is a knock on
the door]
JOHN
Who is that? CIA?
FBI? NBA? DNA?
JAN
I want to check…I will
take stick…
JOHN
Look through the
peep-hole! Look through the people!
JAN
Its the Arab. He is
collecting again…
JOHN
So? You gave him?
JAN
I gave him…a
baseball bat…
JOHN
You gave it to him?
Are you crazy?
JAN
To his head…[ironic]
Sorry if it hurt him…
JOHN
That’s good…Check
if he survived…Take some…gun…
JAN
Do you have some gun?
JOHN [shows all guns]
We are living in a
free country. In every moment day or night you can shoot your family
and make your own private suicide…Take it…
JAN [going out with
a gun]
I start to love this
country
[pause]
JOHN
What’s up?
JAN
He is singing
something close to the doors
JOHN
Close to The
Doors?...This Is The End! Son of Mohammed! Thats enough! ...He must
pray… Motherfucker! Tell him that he is not welcome here…
[telephone]
Jan! Phone! Hurry
up…maybe it’s the last phone call in my life…
JAN [comes back
with gun, very angry]
Hello!...It is this
Rabbi…again [he wants to put down the phone]
JOHN
Give me the phone!
[Jan gives the phone
and waits for a new command]
JOHN
Hello Rabbi...Are
you still looking for the Messiah?...Jesus Christ…
[gives back phone to
Jan]
[a knock on the
door, Jan knows what to do]
JAN [off]
He ask to come inside. He
wants to give us something.
JOHN
Show him your gun!
[pause]
JAN [comes back]
JOHN
So, what?
JAN
He disappeared! He
left some blood and money…
JOHN
That’s bad…He
can come back for it…
JAN
Exactly what I gave
him before…
JOHN
Tell him that its
only one drop in the sea of our suffering…
JAN
Exactly! Who will
pay for that? Firemen, Soldiers…journey of the President…
JOHN
Disgusting…We are
losing billions and he is donating only 5 dollars.
Maybe he wants to
give us some percentage? Lets say…five billion percent?
JAN
I will tell him…When
he comes back…If he will not cooperate…I will shoot him!
JOHN
Shoot…me, Jan…
JAN
I can’t. I was waiting
too long…
JOHN
Why? I could kill
you.
JAN
Moment…I will try again…
JOHN
Shoot me in the
head, I don’t want to see my blood…No! Wait! I changed my mind! I
want to see blood spurting…
JAN
I cant…I have a
blockade…
JOHN
All these years of
training…for nothing
JAN
Sorry fellow…I cant do
it…I feel stupid…
JOHN
I’m Jewish!
JAN [tries again]
Doesn’t help…
JOHN
More pressure! Think
about Hitler!
JAN [farts]
JOHN
What a moment…
JAN
I surrender.
JOHN
That’s a pity…Next
time…So…What we should do?...I don’t want to be stuck here…
JAN
I have an idea!
JOHN
You and your ideas!
JAN
We will go on the street
and we will be…
JOHN
Shooting! Excellent!
You will be looking for targets and I will fire bullets…
JAN
No we will be
collecting money!
JOHN
Begging for money?
Like always! Poland! What a nation…
JAN
We will be
collecting for Peace in the World!
JOHN
Better for War. It
is better business…
JAN
OK! Lets go!
JOHN
Lets drive!
JAN
Of course! It will
be exciting…
JOHN [megaphone]
The only way of the
human race is Invasion…
JAN [megaphone]
The only way of the
human race is Pacification…
[ Death End ]
Jakub Palacz
Eloe
(Theater of Noise )
+48
602103526 jakubpalacz@ wp.pl
This play start to be inspiration of:
( restaurant scene )
https://www.cda.pl/video/20453282d?fbclid=IwAR0l8c_yMBfwNB1ANxGLSJv69VsN9pfsXexKGHjSPaRbZKIQecpgZ-75w1U
( restaurant scene )
https://www.cda.pl/video/20453282d?fbclid=IwAR0l8c_yMBfwNB1ANxGLSJv69VsN9pfsXexKGHjSPaRbZKIQecpgZ-75w1U
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